In a press release earlier today, EA Sports announced the release of a brand new video game designed to delight the legions hardcore professional football fans.

It is truly a game for cerebral fans and inmates alike. It turns the lexicon of football terminology upside down and inside out!

Defense - Arguably the most important part of the game. You take your salary, hire the most celebrated defense attorneys on the planet and fight the legal system to keep your freedom. The catch? The best defense attorneys are represented by Superagents Eric Metz and Scott Boras plus you have to stay within the salary cap.

Offense - A wide variety of schemes available. These include: Drug Possession, Attempted Murder, Substance Abuse, Illegal Gambling, Possession of Firearms, Making Rain at Strip Clubs and the new darling of the league, the Dog Fighting offense.

Astro's Turf - The biggest bada%$ Pit Bull's home stadium. Astro is the canine version of the 1972 Dolphins.

Punt, Pass & Kick - Training methods used to make the dogs extra tough and mean.

Illegal Use of the Hands - Petting, rubbing, patting or giving any type of physical pleasure to the canine combatants.

Free Safety - The net result of a defense that performs for the star player as expected.

Nickle Defense - Cheap lawyers who advise superstars to make a plea.

 

Fantasy Football - Michael Vick believing he is going to lead the new Falcon's offense or any professional offense in 2007...or 2008...or 2009, etc.

 

Training Camp - A horrible place where cute doggies are abused and taught to be mean, often fighting to the death.

Super Bowl - In this game it is the ultimate prize, valued at $500,000. (Or enough to post bail for your favorite NFL star!) The Super Bowl is literally a large solid gold bowl surrounded with 3 carat diamond studs and platinum accents. It comes with a 4 year supply of kibble to keep the Pit Bulls fat and sassy.

Be sure to rush out and get your copy today. This game aspires to inspire a new generation of future superstar athletes into thugdom!