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I've been thinking about it finally decided to pull the trigger and invite Dick Cheney to be my new doubles partner for the 2006 tennis season. There are at least 10 huge advantages to having the enigmatic V.P. on my side of the court.
10. Enjoys introducing self as "Smith" and partner as "Wesson" to opponents prior to the match.
9. Wild and unpredictable shots tend to make the national news.
8. Firey pre-match pep talks always include the phrase "They're Ripe for Conquering!"
7. Opponents and children love his flamboyant personality.
6. Fancies self as brilliant tennis strategist.
5. Suportive partner whose favorite phrase is "Great Shot!"
4. Gets a maniacal grin just before firing bullets at unsuspecting opponents.
3. Chances are excellent our opponents have been paid to tank the match by NRA/Oil Company lobbyists with deep pockets. Can you say "undefeated season?"
2. Won't ever have to worry again about those damn quails swooping down and impeding the flight of the ball.
1. "Dick's Chicks!" A bevy of bikini clad tennis babes who have stopped following A-Rod in favor of Cheney's more explosive game.
John "15+ MPH on Every Serve" Youngblood is a part-time writer and humorist who can't help but find irony in Dick's racquet of choice, the Head LM Fire.
Guts and Glory Tennis, LLC 3655 Sentry View Trace Suwanee, GA 30024 Phone: 404-246-1062
I've been thinking about it finally decided to pull the trigger and invite Dick Cheney to be my new doubles partner for the 2006 tennis season. There are at least 10 huge advantages to having the enigmatic V.P. on my side of the court. 