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Justine Henin-Hardenne consults with the Official Australian Open Physician and the Head Trainer during the second set of the 2006 women's final. After a thorough medical consultation, the Belgian was diagnosed with an "upset tummy" and given the Australian equivalent of Gas-X. After being convinced it was not some rare form of Crockodile Molaria, the former world #1 returned to the court and shockingly retired after a scant two points. What was she thinking??? Would it have been too much to finish out the match and allow her opponent a proper celebration? Justine's egocentric actions denied Amelie Mauresmo a chance to legitimately celebrate her first Grand Slam title. Shame on the little Belgian for behaving so selfishly!
In a post-match news conference the former champion staunchly defended her decision not to continue. "I was getting beat badly, plus I was feeling a little gassy and my tummy hurt. There was no easy way to win the match. So I just quit."
Upon hearing the statement Staples announced they are seriously considering making a bid to become the main sponsor for the women's tour. Their spokesperson stated, "It seems players like Henin-Hardenne are itching for the 'Easy Button' approach and we see great commercial opportunities in working with them. The William's sisters have also demonstrated tremendous interest in the whole 'Easy Button' concept. There's a lot of potential in working with these women and Staples is looking at ways to make this potential partnership a profitable reality."
Meanwhile Amelie Mauresmo is quietly enjoying the least celebrated initial Grand Slam victory in the history of women's tennis. Heck, she can't even get her picture in this article, but we did at least mention her name twice.
John "15+ MPH on Every Serve" Youngblood is a part-time writer and humorist who still can't believe Henin-Hardenne actually retired from a final because she was a little tired and had an upset tummy. Geez.
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