True Tales of Psychological Tennis Warfare
 Intimidated in warm ups? Let’s face it; we’ve all been there. The opponents are youthful and sporting six pack abs while last night’s beer, pizza and this morning’s Egg McMuffin is cleverly cloaking that impressive ab section of your own. Looking for ways to win in the face of vastly superior talent and conditioning can be an intimidating process. The purpose of this series of articles is to help you develop some winning strategies that will assist you in overcoming seemingly insurmountable obstacles on the tennis court.
Winning the racquet spin is an element of the sport that is critically underrated, especially in sunny or windy conditions. Bear in mind this may be the only thing you will win all day, so you need to make absolutely certain you are doing everything in your power to make a correct call! This is easily accomplished through the power of observation and gamesmanship. Here’s the untold secret…
Before the match begins, perhaps even before warm-ups, comment to your opponents about their racquets. It can be something like “Wow, I used to have a racquet just like that before I smashed it to smithereens in a fit of rage after being aced. You see, I had never been aced before and I just didn’t know how to react appropriately. May I look at your racquet for the sake of nostalgia?” (Not only setting the stage to examine the racquet, but also cleverly implying that you had never been aced and have a violent and unpredictable temper…subtle yet powerful!)
The key is getting a good look at the racquet. When examining it, look for clues that will allow you to win the toss. For instance if the racquet has head tape, look to see if the head tape is the same or opposite direction as the symbol on the butt of the racquet handle. Now, when the racquet is spun, the butt will be facing the spinner and the head facing you. You’ll be able to see the head tape and thus know whether the symbol is up or down. Making the correct call is easy! The same principle can be employed for the name of the racquet that is painted on the side or throat. If you pay attention to detail you can assure yourself of winning the toss every time. Is this cheating? Absolutely not! It is an act of observational genius.
To amplify the impact of winning the toss, be sure to make the following comment to your partner prior to the spin. “I hope we win the spin again today, did you know we’re 18 – 0 when we call the spin correctly?” Make sure this conversation is loud enough for your opponents to overhear. It will add to the mystique of superiority you are attempting to create. After you correctly call the spin, a seed of doubt will be planted. It alone may not be enough to overcome superior talent, but when used in conjunction with other psychological warfare techniques, it may help.
Next month’s feature: “The Fine Art of Distributing Lens Crafters Coupons to Opponents Who Make Chronically Horrible Line Calls!”
John “15+ MPH on Every Serve” Youngblood is a writer, humorist and racquet technician who can't figure out why he hasn't received the ALTA Sportsmanship Award in 15 years of league play. But more importantly, he hasn't lost a racquet spin he has called in 15 years.
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